So this isn't going to be one of my four letters, but I just feel the need to write it to John, and share...
Dear John,
I am so sorry that I haven't called or even texted you to see how you are handling everything that has happened at home, but it just hurts me too much. It brings back so many memories for me, and it's hard. I know that I shouldn't be like that, so I am getting out my feelings the best way that I know how.
It's not easy losing someone that is your own age, someone you grew up with. When I heard the news I honestly thought of you right away, because I know how it feels to get that news... that one of your peers is gone.
Even if you and Jacob weren't the closest of friends in the recent years I know that it is hard because the group of kids that you start elementary school and CCD with are your first friends which always hold a special place in your heart, and to lose one of those friends is unlike anything else you can experience at such a young age. And I'm sorry.
In high school I loved coming home from CCD and having you tell us what funny or obnoxious thing Jacob A. did that day. From your stories I could tell he was the class clown and that he always would be. But I still remember him at Girl Scout camp, and I still remember him coming trick or treating at our house and I just remember his smile and the joke he was telling. He was a special kid.
I know it's hard and I'm sorry that you and your classmates are going through this. I know all too well what it feels like and I hate to say that it won't get much easier very soon, especially when you are back with that group of people that Jacob A. was such a part of.
Honor Jacob, Don't Take Anything For Granted, And Be Your Best... this is what I hope you take away from this tragic situation.
I love you,
Tracy
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
The Letters, Part 2
The apology. This is always the hardest to do. In high school I was known for making "I'm Sorry" cards because it was too hard for me to apologize to some one's face... so I made them a card. I don't know what it is about me, probably my pride, but I hate apologizing. But after the phone call I had this evening I've never been more ready and able to make an apology.
Dear Dillon,
It was so good talking to you tonight. I've missed your sweet little, so excited about life, voice. But talking to you tonight made me so sorry that I am not more of a part of your life. It kills me that I don't live right down the street from you. I am so sorry that I don't get to see you every week, have dinner with you, pick you up from Miss Cindy's and take you on adventures, see your new Spiderman bedroom, or help you get ready for your new baby sister. But most of all, I am so sorry that I am going to miss your birthday party next weekend.
I so wish that I could be there but with my work schedule, I can't, and I apologize. I want to be there with you to eat pizza and see you be the star in The Chuck e Cheese Show. I wish I could buy you the pinata that is full of tickets and tokens and see you bust it open with all your little friends. I wish I could actually bring your present to you on your birthday rather than send it in the mail like I usually do, and I am so sorry.
The upside of all of this is that I cherish every single second that I do get to spend with you, but it is not enough. I miss seeing you grow and I miss being a huge part of your every day life. You are my little man, and I love you more than I ever thought I could.
You make me nervous to have children of my own because I'm not sure if they could ever be as smart or as cute or as wonderful as you, but eventually, I will, because I want you to have little cousins to share life's adventures with.
I love you, and I'm sorry, especially sorry that I'm going to miss your 4th Birthday Party.
Enjoy, Dillon, I can't wait to hear all about it.
Love,
Aunt Tracy
Dear Dillon,
It was so good talking to you tonight. I've missed your sweet little, so excited about life, voice. But talking to you tonight made me so sorry that I am not more of a part of your life. It kills me that I don't live right down the street from you. I am so sorry that I don't get to see you every week, have dinner with you, pick you up from Miss Cindy's and take you on adventures, see your new Spiderman bedroom, or help you get ready for your new baby sister. But most of all, I am so sorry that I am going to miss your birthday party next weekend.
I so wish that I could be there but with my work schedule, I can't, and I apologize. I want to be there with you to eat pizza and see you be the star in The Chuck e Cheese Show. I wish I could buy you the pinata that is full of tickets and tokens and see you bust it open with all your little friends. I wish I could actually bring your present to you on your birthday rather than send it in the mail like I usually do, and I am so sorry.
The upside of all of this is that I cherish every single second that I do get to spend with you, but it is not enough. I miss seeing you grow and I miss being a huge part of your every day life. You are my little man, and I love you more than I ever thought I could.
You make me nervous to have children of my own because I'm not sure if they could ever be as smart or as cute or as wonderful as you, but eventually, I will, because I want you to have little cousins to share life's adventures with.
I love you, and I'm sorry, especially sorry that I'm going to miss your 4th Birthday Party.
Enjoy, Dillon, I can't wait to hear all about it.
Love,
Aunt Tracy
 |
Our First Little Photo Together. I can't believe it's been four years.Happy Birthday, My Sweet Nephew |
Friday, September 28, 2012
The Letters...
Tonight I watched the finale of Top Chef Masters. The past two years, as I've worked in a restaurant, I've really become interested in food. I love food, and I'll try anything that is put in front of me, because I don't want to miss an interesting flavor. I love reading about food, watching food shows, studying menus, and looking things up in my food dictionary. Food, not just eating, is such a joy for me and I've come to think that chefs are some of the most interesting, artistic, and talented people that I know.
So tonight, I absolutely loved the final challenge for the Top Chef Masters. They were to cook a four course meal... to coincide with a four letters. They could cook anything they would like, but they had to go along with the stories that the letter told. Two of my favorite things, writing and food. (Being a food critic has become my new dream job), The letters they had to come up with...and cook... were:
A Love Letter
An Apology
A Thank You
A Letter To Yourself
And I've decided that I wanted to write these letters. My thoughts and feelings have been so sporadic and all over the place lately, and these types of things can become very personal, so I think I can only write one letter at a time. So we will start with the love letter... and go from there.
Dear Dan,
There are some things that I just don't know how you tell you, and how much I love you, may be one of them. I also don't know if I've ever told you that I truly, truly believe in love at first sight. I remember the day like it was yesterday. A Friday in April, I had just aced an exam that I drug myself to hung over as hell, I was wearing blue jeans and a maroon and cream striped, really low cut shirt, and I saw you. I walked into the house on Lawn Avenue and suddenly locked eyes with you. You were sitting on a bar stool, wearing blue jeans and a black and white button up shirt, and I fell in love with you. Our story started that night, and now you are soundly sleeping next to me.
Since then we've had quite the story. Many, many adventures. Many high points, a hand full of low points, and just enough drama to keep in interesting. But the story is just beginning.
And that's the best part.
You're my one true love. You make me happy and you are the person I dreamed of being with for my whole life since I started dreaming about my whole life. I don't think that I could ask for anything else and I am so proud of the life we are building together.
When we lived in different cities we used to text we'd text each other, "I love you today," and I know we tell each other now, at least twice a day, that we love each other, but I want you to know, that when I say it half asleep in the morning, in a text, or in passing in the evening as we are brushing our teeth or pulling up our blankets, I really love you.
To the moon and back,
Tracy
So tonight, I absolutely loved the final challenge for the Top Chef Masters. They were to cook a four course meal... to coincide with a four letters. They could cook anything they would like, but they had to go along with the stories that the letter told. Two of my favorite things, writing and food. (Being a food critic has become my new dream job), The letters they had to come up with...and cook... were:
A Love Letter
An Apology
A Thank You
A Letter To Yourself
And I've decided that I wanted to write these letters. My thoughts and feelings have been so sporadic and all over the place lately, and these types of things can become very personal, so I think I can only write one letter at a time. So we will start with the love letter... and go from there.
Dear Dan,
There are some things that I just don't know how you tell you, and how much I love you, may be one of them. I also don't know if I've ever told you that I truly, truly believe in love at first sight. I remember the day like it was yesterday. A Friday in April, I had just aced an exam that I drug myself to hung over as hell, I was wearing blue jeans and a maroon and cream striped, really low cut shirt, and I saw you. I walked into the house on Lawn Avenue and suddenly locked eyes with you. You were sitting on a bar stool, wearing blue jeans and a black and white button up shirt, and I fell in love with you. Our story started that night, and now you are soundly sleeping next to me.
Since then we've had quite the story. Many, many adventures. Many high points, a hand full of low points, and just enough drama to keep in interesting. But the story is just beginning.
And that's the best part.
You're my one true love. You make me happy and you are the person I dreamed of being with for my whole life since I started dreaming about my whole life. I don't think that I could ask for anything else and I am so proud of the life we are building together.
When we lived in different cities we used to text we'd text each other, "I love you today," and I know we tell each other now, at least twice a day, that we love each other, but I want you to know, that when I say it half asleep in the morning, in a text, or in passing in the evening as we are brushing our teeth or pulling up our blankets, I really love you.
To the moon and back,
Tracy
 |
That first night, it even looks like, Love At First Site.
What a difference five and a half years can make...
Monday, September 24, 2012
It's Here...
Towards the beginning of every school year there comes three nights when Dan sleeps out on the couch because he is too sick to lay in bed, he props up every single pillow (but mine) that we own and makes himself a little nest. He gets orange juice, the remote, and a pile of tissues to help him make it through, and miraculously, three nights later, he's better. Tonight is night one.
So for me it's usually a restless night. Yes, I greatly enjoy sleeping in the middle of the bed and taking control of all of the covers on the bed, but to hear him out there coughing and blowing his nose is something that could wake anybody up. So we're in for the long haul.
He blames it, of course, on the colder weather. But it's that cool weather that I love. I love waking up in the morning and snuggling for just a few more minutes before I run really fast into my nice warm bathroom, I love walking briskly to work and enjoying the breeze instead of the sun and heat beating down on me, I've liked running outside with the sun setting and being able to see the leaves start to change. I love that we spent Saturday night, outside, watching the football game while sitting next to the fire, and making pot after pot of coffee on Sunday, just because it was all day coffee drinking weather. Oh, and how could I forget, I love drinking Octoberfest and making pots of chili.
So we will take the good with the bad. I know that in three night Dan will be in tip-top shape, just in time for the Friday night game, and I'll start digging out my scarves and puffy vests... because those are two of my favorite things.
Happy Fall...
So for me it's usually a restless night. Yes, I greatly enjoy sleeping in the middle of the bed and taking control of all of the covers on the bed, but to hear him out there coughing and blowing his nose is something that could wake anybody up. So we're in for the long haul.
He blames it, of course, on the colder weather. But it's that cool weather that I love. I love waking up in the morning and snuggling for just a few more minutes before I run really fast into my nice warm bathroom, I love walking briskly to work and enjoying the breeze instead of the sun and heat beating down on me, I've liked running outside with the sun setting and being able to see the leaves start to change. I love that we spent Saturday night, outside, watching the football game while sitting next to the fire, and making pot after pot of coffee on Sunday, just because it was all day coffee drinking weather. Oh, and how could I forget, I love drinking Octoberfest and making pots of chili.
So we will take the good with the bad. I know that in three night Dan will be in tip-top shape, just in time for the Friday night game, and I'll start digging out my scarves and puffy vests... because those are two of my favorite things.
Happy Fall...
Monday, September 17, 2012
"I Just Kept Running"
As I mentioned yesterday, last week was quite the week. Dan and I schedules couldn't have been more off and when I did have a day off during the week it was spent running all around town getting things done that I have been neglecting for weeks.
Finally, on Sunday, I had the most enjoyable day, as we were making our trip from the city I mentioned to Dan, "I have the most fantastic plans laid out for the day," he quickly replied, "You're going to take a nap right when we get home, right?" I replied, "Absolutely, but I may also go for a little run."
I've really been enjoying running on the trail outside our house lately, before the past couple of weeks I've been a slave to my eliptical, I was reading the most fantastic book, so the eliptical allowed me to workout and read for a half hour every day, but the book ended and my love of working out inside ended... so I'm back to Dan's old school iPod and the trail. I've been running 2-3 miles a day, and today I set out for 2.5 miles, but I had a Forest Gump moment and I just kept running.... It might have been because of the beautiful weather or it might have been the mix of really classic rap music that I heard on Dan's iPod or it could have been the guy in really short shorts running in front of me, but every 1/10th mile marker I passed I wanted to keep going, and finally I quit after 3.6 miles.
Now I probably looked like this while I was running...
But I felt like this...
And I'm going to continue. I've decided to put it all in words so it holds me accountable, and my goal, by Thanksgiving is to be running 6 miles on the weekends. So here goes nothing... let's hope, in the theme of Forest Gump, that Shit DOESN'T Happen to steer me away from the goal.
Cheers!
Finally, on Sunday, I had the most enjoyable day, as we were making our trip from the city I mentioned to Dan, "I have the most fantastic plans laid out for the day," he quickly replied, "You're going to take a nap right when we get home, right?" I replied, "Absolutely, but I may also go for a little run."
I've really been enjoying running on the trail outside our house lately, before the past couple of weeks I've been a slave to my eliptical, I was reading the most fantastic book, so the eliptical allowed me to workout and read for a half hour every day, but the book ended and my love of working out inside ended... so I'm back to Dan's old school iPod and the trail. I've been running 2-3 miles a day, and today I set out for 2.5 miles, but I had a Forest Gump moment and I just kept running.... It might have been because of the beautiful weather or it might have been the mix of really classic rap music that I heard on Dan's iPod or it could have been the guy in really short shorts running in front of me, but every 1/10th mile marker I passed I wanted to keep going, and finally I quit after 3.6 miles.
Now I probably looked like this while I was running...
But I felt like this...
And I'm going to continue. I've decided to put it all in words so it holds me accountable, and my goal, by Thanksgiving is to be running 6 miles on the weekends. So here goes nothing... let's hope, in the theme of Forest Gump, that Shit DOESN'T Happen to steer me away from the goal.
Cheers!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Sunday Funday
It's been quite a week, full of irregular schedules and running around like crazy. It really is true, when it rains, it pours. So I was so thrilled when Dan told me he would get a hotel room for us downtown yesterday afternoon. I had a wedding last night and an after wedding breakfast this morning, so being able to stay in the city was really a treat.
We had a great late night dinner last night and it was one of those fantastic city evenings, the ones that always makes me want to downsize completely and move downtown. There is nothing like walking through the city late at night with fall like weather...
Anyway, after I got off work today Dan met me and we went to brunch. We went to Ditka's because we couldn't think of a more wonderful place to have yummy food and watch some football games, it was the perfect spot. If you've never been to Chicago, I would highly suggest the trip just to have a bloody mary from Ditka's. Brace yourself, here comes a "Favorite Statement"... It was my favorite Bloody Mary of all time. And here's why:
Yes, you're seeing that correctly, the garnish was a tomato, a shrimp, a banana pepper, an olive, an onion, what I think was summer squash, and a lemon... HELLO! Throw in a salt and peppered rim and a side car of pale ale and you have a winner. And I don't think they could have had a more "made for Tracy" brunch dish. I had a BLT Avocado Wrap with lettuce, tomato, avocado, bacon, runny eggs, and cheese. It was delicious and with Dan and RGIII in my company I couldn't think of a better afternoon.
It's been a good day. I nice ending to a kinda crazy week. So here's to next week, Cheers!
We had a great late night dinner last night and it was one of those fantastic city evenings, the ones that always makes me want to downsize completely and move downtown. There is nothing like walking through the city late at night with fall like weather...
Anyway, after I got off work today Dan met me and we went to brunch. We went to Ditka's because we couldn't think of a more wonderful place to have yummy food and watch some football games, it was the perfect spot. If you've never been to Chicago, I would highly suggest the trip just to have a bloody mary from Ditka's. Brace yourself, here comes a "Favorite Statement"... It was my favorite Bloody Mary of all time. And here's why:
Yes, you're seeing that correctly, the garnish was a tomato, a shrimp, a banana pepper, an olive, an onion, what I think was summer squash, and a lemon... HELLO! Throw in a salt and peppered rim and a side car of pale ale and you have a winner. And I don't think they could have had a more "made for Tracy" brunch dish. I had a BLT Avocado Wrap with lettuce, tomato, avocado, bacon, runny eggs, and cheese. It was delicious and with Dan and RGIII in my company I couldn't think of a better afternoon.
It's been a good day. I nice ending to a kinda crazy week. So here's to next week, Cheers!
Sunday, September 9, 2012
My Love Affair With Cape Cod
Dear Cape Cod,
Do you remember me? We spent three glorious days together in July. You shared so much with me and I just haven't been able to get your beauty out of my head. 
I've never been welcomed anywhere with more open arms and as soon as I crossed the boarder into your little town I felt like I was home. You have some of the nicest people I've ever met in your possession and do they have the most glorious accents, or what? It was such a pleasure being in your company and our time together, I will not quickly forget.
You are just so charming. Each little town we drove through was better than the one we just visited, you kept providing more beautiful beaches and even quainter restaurants and store fronts as we drove. I just needed more time to explore every nook and cranny of your being. 
You really do have it all. Beaches, baseball fields, sunsets, marinas, tennis and golf clubs, beautiful houses, even more beautiful boats, talented, hilarious people, family owned shops, walking paths, and the Kennedy's. I've never seen something with so much character. 
And your food. Can you come up with anymore ways to serve lobster? It was a joy eating every single meal, drinking every Cape Cod Brewery Beer, and falling in love with your clam chowder. Every meal was an adventure in itself and I'll never look at the seafood in Chicago the same way. But the true highlight for me... were the hydrangeas. I've never seen anything like it. I was amazed, shocked really, at how beautiful the flowers were and how meticulously they were taken care of, and I don't care what anybody else says...
I hope heaven smells like Cape Cod.
I hope to see you soon.
Love,
Tracy
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